


The Beginning of the End

by spiderfool



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), this is really sad y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 14:20:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18412397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiderfool/pseuds/spiderfool
Summary: Save the world and get married to BuckySave the world and get married to SteveThey had picked it as a joke, really. Steve had always been standing up for those who couldn’t, but it wasn’t like he anticipated that he would ever save the world. At least not single-handed.Also, it was 1935 and queers were most certainly not allowed to get married.





	The Beginning of the End

**Author's Note:**

> from writing.prompt.s on instagram: When you turn 18, you have to choose a life goal. When you complete that goal, your life ends, but until you complete that goal you can’t die.
> 
> and thank you thecumberbinch for beta-ing!!!

_Save the world and get married to Bucky  
Save the world and get married to Steve_

They had picked it as a joke, really. Steve had always been standing up for those who couldn’t, but it wasn’t like he anticipated that he would ever save the world. At least not single-handed.

Also, it was 1935 and queers were most certainly not allowed to get married.

But that was the point wasn’t it? Again, Steve had always been standing up for others, so why not stand up for himself. He and Bucky had always known that what they had was different, even if they didn’t always know what to call it. They were always together, whether it be Bucky sitting next to Steve’s bed while he was battling whatever infirmity he had at the time or Steve helping to take care of Bucky’s oh so many siblings. It only made sense that that was how it’d all end.

Steve was convinced they were gonna die in 1939. The war was beginning to favor the Allies, the world would be saved, and Steve and Bucky definitely had at least a small part in that. That and the missions they were tasked with were just that risky. The beginning of the end.

Realistically, Steve knew they couldn’t die until they got married but at this point what was the difference? Marriage in the US was but a piece of paper; and they didn’t need anybody else’s fucked up opinion of them to make a lifelong vow to each other anyways. Regardless, the war pushed on. After Bucky fell off that cliff, Steve was sure he was gonna live out the rest of eternity in sorrow. When he crashed the plane, he hoped that it was finally over; that he could finally see Bucky again and just let go.

But nothing was ever that simple.

Steve didn’t think there was a time in which he was more depressed than when he came out of the ice, which was understandable to say the least. Nobody really found it fun to be consistently lied to and forced back into waging wars, but Steve was always willing to do what needed to be done.

That didn’t mean he had to be happy about it though.

When the whispers about a ghost assassin found their way into Steve’s life, he was borderline apathetic about it. He had seen aliens and gods and men with helpful voices in their ceilings and at that point, it was hard to shock Steve anymore, contrary to popular belief. He was raised in an era in which the refrigerator was revolutionary, yes, but when you live to see your country just start to universalize electricity and join an international war involving nuclear weapons all in the same decade, it’s hard to be shocked by something as unimportant to Steve as a woman wearing pants on television.

When the assassin attacked Steve on the highway, he fought hard like he always did. It didn’t matter how little Steve really cared about living out the rest of his life, there were lives at stake, and Steve would rather be skinned alive than be the reason why lives were needlessly lost. So Steve relied on the one thing he always knew how to do: he fought.

When he pulled the man’s mask off, Steve shut down. Never in his entire life had Steve shut down; he always knew a way out, always had some sort of plan to pull himself out of whatever shit he’d gotten into that time. But not then. Bucky had once again consumed his entire presence, taken over every waking thought. Bucky,  _his Bucky_ , had fought him nearly to the death. Shot up a highway. Blew up cars.  _Terrorized_  an entire city. And didn’t even know his own name.

When he brought down S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Helicarriers, Steve didn’t care if he died. That was nothing new. But he brought passively suicidal attitudes to a new level. He had thrown down his shield in battle before, but never when his opponent could actually match him. Never with so many other lives at stake. It was reckless, dangerous, beyond life threatening. But he didn’t care. He needed Bucky to know he’d always be there.  _‘Till the end of the line_. And for once, things didn’t go completely to shit.

When Steve came to consciousness in the hospital, he didn’t know whether to be angry or relieved. He eventually settled on relieved that Bucky was alive somewhere and didn’t kill him. But he did keep the anger of betrayal and being made into a fool buried deep inside him. Deep enough inside that it wouldn’t jump out when he was on active duty or in stupid meetings with the US Army. But not deep enough that it wouldn’t jeopardize one of the only true friendships he’d had in 70 years.

He knew Bucky wasn’t to blame for the attack in Germany, the man wasn’t even  _in_  Germany at the time of the attack. But he did know that he had to protect him, give him a heads up at the very least. That, of course, went to shit.

He wasn’t expecting his friendship with Tony to be intact at all when this shit was over with. He knew he shouldn’t have lied. He knew he should’ve just sat and talked through the Accords at the very least, but his self control always seemed to just fly out the window wherever Bucky was concerned these days. Sam wouldn’t let him hear the end of it, especially about the stunt he pulled on the Helicarriers. But he would be goddamned if he’d let the government fuck him sideways again. Especially not when Bucky was involved.

When the Wakandans welcomed Steve and Bucky with open arms, he felt some of the most relief he’s ever felt. After all the stunts he’d pulled in the past few weeks, Steve was pretty sure the entire world was ready to turn him in. But not T’Challa and Shuri. And he would forever be grateful.

He stopped by sometimes, whenever he could. Talk to Bucky if he could, sit by his bedside whenever he couldn’t. Bucky was getting better. After a while the trigger words stopped working entirely. No meaning left over in his mind. And Steve thought it might be the beginning of the end.  _Get married to Bucky_. They were so close.

They actually did get married. It turned out Wakanda didn’t have strict rules on marriage like all the smaller European countries Steve had been hiding out in. They had a small ceremony at a courthouse, dinner with T’Challa, Shuri, Ramonda, and the few Rogue Avengers. It was nice, it was quiet, it was everything they’d ever wanted it to be. The beginning of the end.

But Steve never expected to be fighting again so soon. And he definitely didn’t expect to lose Bucky  _again_. When the other man turned to dust, he didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know how to be helpful. The memory would be forever etched into the back of his mind, him sitting in the dirt, the horrified looks on his teammates faces, those that were left.

The years after Thanos were absolutely desolate and Steve was pretty sure he was dissociated half the time. Truthfully all he did was live in agony, his love now gone, his friends gone, half the world gone. Never had Steve lived in such a time that he felt so  _empty_. It was suffocating.

For the first time ever Steve started going to therapy. Natasha of all people had pushed him hard to even consider going, and after months and months of misery, he caved. The first few weeks were rough to say the least. Steve had never been in the habit of expressing his feelings truthfully if expressing them at all and it didn’t get any easier since he had made it into the 21st century.  _But that’s what it’s there for_ he could hear Natasha’s annoyed tone in his head on repeat any time he even thought about quitting simply because of embarrassment. And he did think about it. His idea of “healthy” didn’t exactly include  _dwelling on the trauma of the past seven decades, Natasha_. Nonetheless, he went. If not for the lack of want to hear Natasha’s nagging about his health.

When the so-called Captain Marvel set foot on the Compound, Steve just about lost his mind. Where had she been all this time? Nobody had a clue. But if her glowing hands and obvious intelligence meant anything, they were gonna win this time. And it was just like before; the beginning of the end. The plan was to rewind time. Put precautions in place so that it couldn’t happen again. It was apparently part of some magician’s plan, as Tony so eloquently put it once he found his way back from wherever the hell he had managed to get stranded.

So they did it. They wound back time. They did everything over again. And Thanos was dead. It was over.

The first time Steve saw Bucky after everything, he broke down completely. Bawling, nose running, wailing, a complete shock to any poor bystander close enough to witness one of the strongest men on Earth cry like a baby. But he couldn’t help it. He could feel it coming on, slowly but surely. He knew Bucky could feel it too. Oh but how time tended to wear so thin when one wants it most.

They tried to say their goodbyes to the team as gently as possible. They knew they’d be missed. But it truly was the end. They never told anyone their Life Goals. Just that it was their time.

Tony arranged the funeral personally, made sure everything was the best it could possibly be. Steve and Bucky were placed in the same casket, their hands interlocked. Together as one, as they always dreamed of being. The service was beautiful, Sam delivering the eulogy. Tony, Sam, Natasha, Bruce, Clint, and Thor being pallbearers. Nobody left with dry eyes.

It was strange how they were both so dearly missed, yet not quite yearned for. Everyone knew they had lived enough, more than they wanted to really. But the feeling of emptiness after their deaths still carried on. Their legacies already speaking a thousand words. But everyone understood; understood that it was the end for them. And the ending they had was just what they wanted.

It didn’t make it hurt any less.

It wasn’t until months later that Tony found the crinkled up notebook page. Sorting through Steve and Bucky’s personal items, deciding what to display, what to donate, what to throw out. All he could do was smile at the mismatched handwriting on the page.

_Save the world and get married to Bucky  
Save the world and get married to Steve_

And that, they did.


End file.
